It's Been A While
by Kristi-730
Summary: Xander and Emily go back to the Past
1. Chapter one

August 07, 2002 Entry #: 53 Dear Diary, I cannot believe that it has been over a year since I left Port Charles. But what's even more hard to believe is that it still hurts to think about Zander. Sometimes I can have my mind on other things and then *BOOM* something comes out of nowhere and reminds me of him. Grape Pixie sticks, dancing, street lamps, even 'Slide' by the Goo Goo Dolls. And then he's all I can think of. I shouldn't be so wrapped up in him. I should move on. He has, I'm sure of it. And I'm glad he has, I am. But if I'm so glad then why does it hurt to think about him with another girl? -Emily Bowen Quartermain  
  
Emily Quartermain shut her diary and pulled her blanket up over her. It did hurt to think of Zander with anyone but her. But she had to move on. She had to get on with her life and then maybe, just maybe, the pain will stop.  
  
In Port Charles Zander Smith sat looking out the window and just wrote. He wrote down everything that he was feeling.  
  
8/7/2002  
  
So much has happened in such a little amount of time. I shot Elizabeth. Just hours ago I shot her. I cannot believe I did that! Elizabeth could of died. Kristina did die. I cannot believe this! I never thought I would ever pull a trigger on a gun unless it was self defense. Like when I stole the gun from Sonny to protect Emily last year. If anyone were to try to hurt her I would have killed them in an instant. God, Emily. I miss her so much. And maybe I'm using Elizabeth as a replacement for her. What if Emily had been there insted of Elizabeth? I still feel so horrible for the bus accident. If it wasn't for me she would still be here and she would be walking, having fun. But she's not. All because of me.  
  
Zander shut the book, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He'd been writing his feelings down in a book for two years. Since he first met Emily. It was her idea actually. Sometimes he wrote songs, whether it be original songs or lyrics to whatever song described him at that moment, sometimes he just wrote his feelings.  
  
He re-opened his eyes and saw, to his amusement, the first shooting star of his life. "Star light, star bright the first star I see tonight..."He said out loud "...I wish I may, I wish I might. Have this wish I wish tonight"Emily said from her porch  
  
And at the same time unknown to either of them they wished for the same thing: "I wish I could go back and make everything different."  
  
The next morning Emily opened her eyes and saw that she was back home, in her old room. 'Oh my god!' She thought 'It came true! My wish came true!'  
  
She threw the blanket off of her and moved her legs. It felt so good to be able to move them again. Really move them. She hurried over to her desk and looked through her organizer to see what day it was. And then she saw it: July 3rd, 2000.  
  
The Rave was tonight. She couldn't go. She came back to make everything different and it was going to be. It was going to be so different this time around.  
  
"Emily?"Her grandfather asked knocking on her door, "Are you awake?" "Yes grandfather." "Elizabeth Webber is here to see you." "I'll be down in a minute."she told him  
  
She went to her closet and picked out a baby blue halter top and a denim skirt covered with sparkles. She slipped on a pair of white sandles, pulled her hair into a ponytail and hurried downstairs.  
  
"Hi grandfather. Hi Elizabeth."she said trying to hide her giddyness.  
  
"We were starting to wonder if you had died up there or something."Elizabeth joked "So, what's going on?" "Well, I've got some time to kill before I have to get to work and I was wondering if you wanted to go shoping with me." "What the hell. Sure. Let me get my purse."  
  
Emily ran up to her room grabbed her purse and hurried back downstairs. "I'm ready to shop."She announced.  
  
At Kelly's Zander sat drinking his third cup of coffee trying to understand exactly how he had gotten there. He had always hoped in the back of his mind that wishes came true but he never imagined that a wish like this would come true. But he had to make sure that he made part two of his wish happen. He was going to change everything, starting tonight.  
  
He wasn't going to go to go to the Rave. And he knew that he wasn't going to meet Emily, but he knew that if they were destined to be together they would meet some other way.  
  
Just then a flier, sitting on the counter caught his eye. "Attention!" it read, "Think you have what it takes? Musicians 18-25 come to Jakes Monday July 3rd, 2000 for our Band Battle. Sign up starts at 8:00 pm. Only a limited amount of spot's open so come early and come prepared with three songs. Winner(s) recieves $250."  
  
This was just what would keep his mind off of everything. Now all he had to do was decide what songs to perform.  
  
Later that afternoon Emily sat outside of Kelly's writing in the new journal that she had boughten earlier.  
  
July 03, 2000 Entry #: 1.  
  
Dear Diary, This is going to sound weird and I know if anyone gets a hold of this they will definetly have me commited but I have to get this out in the open. I came back from the future. And I know! I know that sounds so fake and corny that I hardly believe it myself but it's true. It's true. I came back to change everything that's gone wrong over the past two years. Like being with Juan. Worst mistake I've ever made. And as soon as I see him I'm going to change that. He is part of my past. He's just a bad mistake. Something that belongs to the "old" Emily. The Emily who would go to a rave that she never even wanted to attend in the first place, and leave with a stranger that she didn't even know. But that is a part of me that I never want to revisit. But something good did come from it. I met my soulmate: Zander Smith. It's weird too how we went from me being his hostage and him being my kidnapper to being soulmates. But we were, we were everything to each other. We were each others everything. I never stoped loving him. Never. Sometimes I still write Mrs. Zander Smith or Emily Bowen Quartermain- Smith when I write in my journals. It was always a fantasy of mine that I would marry him. And it would always be the same way: Him and me in a small private ceremony where no one could tell us that it was wrong. Just him, me, a minister and a witness. Zander and I would recite our own vow's. And then we would exchange rings and perminently be Mr. and Mrs. Zander Smith. It's a silly thought though. It's never going to happen. Like I said the rave was the only way I was going to meet him and now since I'm not going I'm blowing all chances of meeting him. But I have hope that if we are destined to be together we will find a way. -Emily Bowen Quartermain  
  
Emily shut her diary and put it in her bag. She then put her head in her hands. She was going to find Zander and have him fall in love with her no matter what. Only this time they would play by their own rules. Nobody elses.  
  
She knew that Juan was the safe choice. He would never kidnapp her, or get her shot at, or be partly responsible for her nearly getting killed so many times she had lost count, but some how, she felt like she needed all of those things. Love was like a carnival ride, the faster and more dangerous love is, the better it gets.  
  
"Hey Em. What's going on?"Lucky asked coming up to the table. "Not much."She said with a sad tone in her voice "Emily, I know you. What's wrong. Does this have something to do with Juan? Did he break up with you?"  
  
She let out a small chuckle. "That's funny."she told him."No, Juan didn't break up with me. Actually I--umm--I'm going to break up with him." "Your kidding!"Lucky said in shock."I'm sorry." "Don't be. I never really loved him anyway." "Never really loved him? Em, just days ago you were saying that you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. What happened?" "Things change. People change. I changed. I'm not the same person I was when I met him." "Met who?"Someone asked from behind them.  
  
Emily turned around and felt her stomach get knots in it. It was Juan. She could hear her heart tell him that he was who she was talking about. Her head however was screaming at her to lie to him.  
  
"You know what? I think I'm going to go inside. Leave you guys alone to talk."Lucky said standing up. "Lucky wait."Emily said grabbing his arm. "Thank you for listening." "It's no problem. I'll talk to you later."he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Bye." "What the hell was up with that?"Juan asked. "What do you mean?" "With you and Lucky. And don't give me the whole 'we're friends' line okay." "Lucky and I are friends. And if you were a real boyfriend you would see that." "A real boyfriend? What is that supposed to mean?" "It means that we're over."  
  
Emily grabbed her bag and stood up. She took a deep breath and told him, "Goodbye Juan. " Juan grabbed her arm and dug his nails into it. "You aren't leaving me." "Excuse me?"She asked pulling away "We aren't over." "Yes we are." "You're sleeping with him aren't you?" "Who?"Emily asked completly perplexed. "Lucky. You're sleeping with him." "Oh my god Juan! Get over yourself. I would never sleep with my best friend's ex."  
  
Zander made his way around the corner and froze when he heard Emily say those words. Hearing her voice was painful enough but hearing her say those words hurt so much more. He did that. He claimed to love her, to always love her and then he slept with her best friend. She didn't deserve him. He went back around the corner and nearly sprinted to his car.  
  
Later when he was in the privacy of his own apartment he tried his hardest to stop feeling horrible about earlier.  
  
My Emily  
  
It hurts when I see you hurt I wanna die when I make you cry The things I did make me feel like dirt I give anything for you not to have said "good-bye"  
  
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?  
  
I saw you today You took my breath away And you said something that hurt And I wish somehow I could pay Pay for the crap I put you through  
  
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?  
  
I wake up some nights to the telephone ringing I think I hear you one the other line My heart skips a beat, 'till I relize that I'm just dreaming. And as hard as I try to convince myself, I will never again be fine  
  
So I wrote this song for My Emily: We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?  
  
We said we'd be in love We'd be in love forever When did forever die?  
  
My Emily... 


	2. Chapter two

Emily pulled her long brown hair into bun and made sure that the halter top she had on showed off her new bellybutton ring, and that her denim skirt was strait. She was going to Jakes with Ned to see the bands that they had. It didn't sound like the most entertaining thing in the world but it would be a hell of a lot better than going to the rave.  
  
She took a quick glance at her clock and saw that she still had some time to kill before Ned was supposed to pick her up so she took a seat at her dresser and pulled her journal out of a drawer and began writing.  
  
July 03, 2000 Entry #: 2  
  
Dear Diary, Juan and I are over. Forever. I don't care how many song he dedicates to me, or if he gets down on his hands and knee's and begs me to take him back I won't. I don't feel anything for him. I don't even remember what I once felt for him. He's a loser. You will never guess what he accused me of. He accused me of sleeping with Lucky. Whatever! I would neve sleep with Lucky. Not in a million years. He's like me brother. Juan is always so jelous of things that aren't there. Now, at least when I got jelous it was for good reasons. That's something else that's different about Juan and Zander, Juan is always flirting with other girls while Zander makes me feel special, like I'm the only girl in the room. I've never felt that way before. I hope I feel that way again soon. -Em.  
  
Emily closed her diary, put it back where she got it, and then made her way downstairs. "Hey you guys."She said walking into the living room "Well Emily, don't you look spiffy. You gotta date with Juan tonight?"A.J. asked taking a drink of vodka and she stiffened up. "No Junior."Ned said coming in from out side, "She is coming with me to view some new acts over at Jakes. You ready to go?" "Very ready."  
  
The ride to Jakes was very quiet until Juan's name was brought up. "So, I called Juan earlier and asked if he wanted to come with us and he told me that you broke up with him? You want to talk about it?"Ned asked. "Not really."Emily told him "To bad 'cause we are. Just days ago you were head over heals in love, and now you break up with him?" "Ned, things between Juan and I have been going down hill for a while. I was at the end of my rope. I couldn't let him control who I talked to, while he got to go out and flirt with any girl in a three block radius." "You were the only girl for him Emily. I've seen him around you." "Ned can we choose a new topic please?"  
  
Over at Jakes a band was on stage doing a sound check while Zander ordered himself a beer and took a look around. He checked his watch and saw that the rave would be starting soon. 'This is it.'He thought. 'Everything is going to be different.' He felt guilty though, that Emily would be there without anyone to help her out. Even though she didn't know him know, a part of him felt responsible for her. She was the love of his life and the possibility of anyone hurting her felt awful to him.  
  
"Zander!"his drummer Jimmy yelled from the stage,"We're ready for a sound check." Zander sat his beer down on the counter and made his way up there.  
  
Half-an-hour later Ned and Emily finally got to the club, just as the first band was about to get on stage. They found an empty table near the stage reserved for them, and took a seat.  
  
"I can't believe how packed this is."Ned whispered "It's like we're going to see an American Idol concert rather then just some no name bands."Emily whispered back.  
  
Zander and the rest of his band came on the stage and began to set up. Emily's heart began to race as she saw his face. That face was etched into her mind. Everything about him, his eyelashes, the way his hair fell just right over his eye, and his smile was perminently memorized in her mind. She would replay it when ever she got sad or lonely. Confusion suddenly filled her mind, as she wondered why he wasn't at the rave. Something must of happened. But what? What would make him of came here this time, but not then?  
  
"Hello everyone."He said with a sultry tone in his voice and Em was jerked back into reality, "We are 'October Pie' and we're the first group performing tonight. I hope we don't suck to bad."  
  
Jimmy and Lance, the basist, played the intro and then Zander started singing.  
  
"It's been a while Since I could hold my head up high It's been a while since I first saw you It's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet again It's been a while since I could call you But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it is all may seem the consequences that I've rendered I've streched myself beyond my means"  
  
Before she knew it Emily was singing along, knowing every word by heart. Feeling her knee's get weak whenever Zander smiled, or looked in her general direction. She wasn't the only girl in the audience, many girls cheered him on, and she could tell that he was loving it.  
  
"It's been awhile Since I could say that I wasn't addicted It's been awhile since I could say I loved myself as well It's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do But all that shit seems to dissapear when I'm with you But everything I can't remember As fucked up as it all may seem The consequences that are rendered I've gone and fucked things up as it may seem The consequences that I've rendered I've gone and fucked up things again Why must I feel this way Just make this go away, just one more peaceful day  
  
It's been awhile Since I could look at myself straight I've been awhile since I said I'm sorry I've been awhile since I've seen the way the candle lights up your face But I can still remember just the way you taste But everything I can remember as fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me I cannot blame this on my father he did the best he could for me  
  
It's been awhile Since I could hold my head up high And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry..."  
  
Jimmy played the last line again while Zander's eyes were glued to Emily, and her eyes were glued to him. She smiled at him slightly nibbling on her bottom lip, and his heart skiped a beat.  
  
Later that night, as Ned and Emily were listening to the winning band playing an on-core, she caught sight of Zander sitting alone at the bar, nursing a bear.  
  
"I'll be right back."She whispered into Ned's ear, and then walked over to the bar.  
  
"I'll have a coke."She told the bartender and then turned to Zander. "You did a wonderful job." she said "Thank you."  
  
The band on stage began playing Slide by the Goo-Goo Dolls and the bartender gave Emily her coke.  
  
"This is going to sound weird, and if you don't want to I can totally understand but...do you want to dance?"Zander asked licking his lips. Emily was caught off guard by his question, but accepted anyways.  
  
He took her hand and they walked to an empty corner. She put her arms around his shoulders and he put his arms around her waist. Their bodies moved in sync with each other. Zander could feel Emily's heart beating just about as fast as his was.  
  
'Is this really happening?"Emily thought. 'Or is this just a dream?'  
  
Before either of them knew it the song was over. They both stood silently for a moment not looking at each other. Zander coughed, Emily pushed a strand of hair that fell out of her bun behind her ear. They both seemed to be savoring the silence, knowing that anything that they had to say would change everything. Then knowing if she didn't do it know, she would loose her nerve, she pulled a folded napkin out of her pocket and and slipped it into his hand.  
  
"Please read it."she told him, kissed him on the cheek and then turned and hurried back over to Ned.  
  
Zander,who could still feel the feeling on Emily's lips as he unfolded the napkin and written on it was: Zander, There are some things that need to be discussed. Meet me at the park, near the entrance tomorrow at two.-Emily.  
  
The next afternoon Zander sat on a bench waiting for Emily. He had his journal open and was trying to write down what exactly happened the previous night.  
  
7/4/00 I saw Emily last night. She was at Jakes w/ Ned. When I was about to leave she gave me a note that told me to meet her here, at the park. Does she remember? And if she doesn't then why was she there last night and why did she tell me to meet her here? I wanted to kiss her. From the first moment that I saw her last night I wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go. Just keep her with me forever.  
  
"Zander!"Emily called running up to him her brown hair, which was pulled back into two braids, bouncing behind her."I was afraid you weren't going to come." "I'd go anywhere you asked."he told her. She took a seat on the bench, turning her body so that she could look at him. "Why weren't you at the rave last night?" "I should be asking you the same question." "So you remember huh." "As do you."  
  
Emily laid her head on Zander chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. "How?"Emily asked "I don't know."he told her  
  
She hadn't relized just how much she missed the way that she felt when Zander held her. Feeling his breath on her neck, and the way his hands felt on the small of her back, it was a feeling of protection. A feeling of protection that she hadn't relized just how much she had missed.  
  
"So, why don't you tell me what's been going on since we last saw each other."Zander asked  
  
For the next half hour the two of them caught each other up on there lives. Emily told him how rehab was going, Zander told her about getting fired by Sonny. They compared movies that they had seen, books they had read. And for the first time that afternoon it felt like nothing had changed.  
  
"A Walk To Remember!?"Emily asked in complete shock. "You, Zander Smith, liked A Walk To Remember?" "Come on drop it." "I'm trying, but I gotta know if we're talking about the same movie. Mandy Moore, Shane West. She's the---" "She's the daughter of the town preacher he's the bad boy. Yes, that's the right movie."  
  
Emily moved on to Zander's lap and sat facing him, "How did you get in?"She asked, "'Cause you're way to cool to go in by yourself. Did you bribe a group of tween's that you found at Kelly's to go with you to see it?" "You're so freakin' hillarious."he joked. "So, where---what's going to happen to us now?"she asked in a small child-like voice changing the topic . "I don't know."Zander told her, "But I do know that I'm leaving Port Charles." "What!?"she said shocked. "Not forever."He assured her,"But at least for the summer." "Where are you going?" "Florida." "I'm gonna miss you." "I'm going to miss you too. But, I will be back. I promise you." 


End file.
